This blog is basically me saying…

“Hi, I have no idea what I’m doing either.”

So, hi! I’m Caitlyn, and welcome to the shit show.

If that sentence didn’t give you a heads up, let me just preface this whole thing by saying: you’re not about to find some perfectly put-together person here. I’m still 100% in the thick of trying to figure out who I am. It’s day one of me rediscovering what I like, what I’m into, and who I am outside of, like, keeping small humans alive. Spoiler alert: I did not wake up one morning with some perfectly curated life. Nope.

I’m more like that person wandering through a minefield of toddler toys and never-ending laundry, holding a cup of cold coffee, trying to remember where I put my phone…

So, here’s the backstory. This past year, my husband and I built this amazing tool to help manage gift-giving. Because honestly, who has the time (or the brain space) to remember and come up with ideas for every single birthday, anniversary, and holiday while also trying to, you know, keep tiny humans alive? The tool is awesome. It’s something I’m really proud of. But every time I tried to follow the advice on how to market it—stuff like, “Niche down!” and “Target their pain points!”—I wanted to crawl out of my skin. It just didn’t feel right. I mean, I’m not going to pretend I have my life together, because I absolutely do not.

So instead, I’m here, writing this blog because I’d rather build something real. A space where moms like you (and me) can be honest about how completely ridiculous it is juggling everything without completely losing ourselves.

The truth is, I’ve never been great at knowing who I am, even before I had kids. But after having my two girls (currently ages one and three and a half), I feel like I lost any tiny sliver of “me” I had.

Drowning in diapers.

Drowning in sleep deprivation.

And drowning in about a thousand open mental tabs that can never be closed.

And somewhere, I forgot what little I knew about myself. I mean, I can vaguely remember enjoying weightlifting, roller skating, and art… but beyond that? Who even knows anymore.

So yeah, this blog is not going to be some cute little “how-to” guide. It’s going to be messy because my life is messy. I’m here to figure out who I am again, but I’m doing it while managing the mental load of being the default parent, running a household in a rural mountain town where we have zero family or support, and trying really hard not to completely burn out in the process. And I know I’m not alone in this. So many of us are just running on autopilot, doing all the things for everyone else, but never stopping to ask, “Wait… what about me?”

And let me be clear, I have no idea how to figure this out yet.

Like, zero clue. I’m still that woman who has no idea how to dress herself (seriously, fashion is like wizardry to me, and I’m 90% sure I have no concept of what my body even looks like… Seriously, how do people know what looks good on them!?). But I’m doing this because I want to find something—anything—that makes me feel like me again. Without the pressure to be good at it, or to stick with one thing, or to make it Instagram-perfect.

So if you’re a mom who feels like you’ve got a thousand tabs open in your brain, but none of them are about you, you’re in the right place.

We don’t have to pretend here. Let’s be messy, let’s figure out what we like (or don’t like), and maybe find some friends along the way.

If this sounds like your vibe, say hi in the comments.

Chaotically yours,

Caitlyn